i like to tell myself that you're not just talking to me now because i have someone new in my life and you want to see if you can succeed in coming between us... again. i say it's not just a game for you (that you have already won two times in a row). i like to think that you genuinely missed me during your vow of silence against me. i want to believe that you want the best for me and would never try to make me regret my decision to move on. you would never take advantage of my feelings for you in order to ultimately hurt me and someone else... again... right?
right.
these are the good lies.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
a way to you
hey!!!! i miss justin. urgh :/
in other news, david sedaris has become one of my favorite writers of all time. PROBABALY because the new york times called him the wittiest new yorker since dorothy parker... oh, dp. you will always have me. i am determined to read ALL of his books. why? because, quite simply, he gets me weak. he's so cynical and... i dunno. real? my mother thought there was something wrong with me i was laughing so hard. until she read the book herself. so far 'naked' is a lot funnier than 'me talk pretty one day,' but that's just me. 'me talk pretty one day' made me love david sedaris forever though. i want to read 'when engulfed in flames' next. "it's a beautiful day. get out and smell the goddamned flowers."
i'd say he pretty much gets me.
if carlson and mshamm don't stop making examples of my damn essays i might start thinking i'm doomed to become a writer or something.
in other news, david sedaris has become one of my favorite writers of all time. PROBABALY because the new york times called him the wittiest new yorker since dorothy parker... oh, dp. you will always have me. i am determined to read ALL of his books. why? because, quite simply, he gets me weak. he's so cynical and... i dunno. real? my mother thought there was something wrong with me i was laughing so hard. until she read the book herself. so far 'naked' is a lot funnier than 'me talk pretty one day,' but that's just me. 'me talk pretty one day' made me love david sedaris forever though. i want to read 'when engulfed in flames' next. "it's a beautiful day. get out and smell the goddamned flowers."
i'd say he pretty much gets me.
if carlson and mshamm don't stop making examples of my damn essays i might start thinking i'm doomed to become a writer or something.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
a Quartz contentment, like a stone
justin=miracle
i like being a spanish tutor, but i really hope that i'm not destined to become a teacher.
i'm quite excited about the impending handwritten note frenzy betwixt eve and me.
i love james zwack. death... seems heroic to me, and it's hard to explain why.
death is lonely and scary... if you experience it, you must be some kind of brave. right?
i don't make sense to anyone except for me.
love.
i like being a spanish tutor, but i really hope that i'm not destined to become a teacher.
i'm quite excited about the impending handwritten note frenzy betwixt eve and me.
i love james zwack. death... seems heroic to me, and it's hard to explain why.
death is lonely and scary... if you experience it, you must be some kind of brave. right?
i don't make sense to anyone except for me.
love.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
realizations
1) i like lists. otherwise, there is no chance of me having any sort of organization
2) in the event of a ramen noodle shortage, the majority of my family would starve and cease to exist
3) this time last year, eve and i were falling in love at the alabama theater over bright eyes
"sell myself for a bight eyes shirt..."
4) this time last year, i was happy
5) this time last year, you were still around
6) two days til my birthday, what the eff?
7) i hate birthdays
2) in the event of a ramen noodle shortage, the majority of my family would starve and cease to exist
3) this time last year, eve and i were falling in love at the alabama theater over bright eyes
"sell myself for a bight eyes shirt..."
4) this time last year, i was happy
5) this time last year, you were still around
6) two days til my birthday, what the eff?
7) i hate birthdays
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
i have
1) the vcard
2) the act of congress cd
neither of which you are ever getting back.
you have nothing of mine.
i guess i got the better end of the deal after all.
p.s. i promise this is the end of the hell hath no fury posts.
maybe.
2) the act of congress cd
neither of which you are ever getting back.
you have nothing of mine.
i guess i got the better end of the deal after all.
p.s. i promise this is the end of the hell hath no fury posts.
maybe.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
from A Century of Epigrams by JV Cunningham
29
History of ideas
God is love. Then by conversion
Love is God, and sex conversion.
33
On a cold night I came through the cold rain
And false snow to the wind shrill on your pane
With no hope and no anger and no fear.
Who are you? And with whom do you sleep here?
55
I had gone broke, and got set to come back,
And lost, on a hot day and a fast track,
On a long shot at long odds, a black mare
By Hatred out of Envy by Despair.
62
You ask me how Contempt who claims to sleep
With every woman that has ever been
Can still maintain that women are skin deep?
They never let him any deeper in.
76
Good Fortune, when I hailed her recently,
Passed by me with the intimacy of shame
As one that in the dark had handled me
And could no longer recollect my name.
i stil hate you.
big shout out to eve for existing and kbuck for "following" my bog lol
it's good to be back.
History of ideas
God is love. Then by conversion
Love is God, and sex conversion.
33
On a cold night I came through the cold rain
And false snow to the wind shrill on your pane
With no hope and no anger and no fear.
Who are you? And with whom do you sleep here?
55
I had gone broke, and got set to come back,
And lost, on a hot day and a fast track,
On a long shot at long odds, a black mare
By Hatred out of Envy by Despair.
62
You ask me how Contempt who claims to sleep
With every woman that has ever been
Can still maintain that women are skin deep?
They never let him any deeper in.
76
Good Fortune, when I hailed her recently,
Passed by me with the intimacy of shame
As one that in the dark had handled me
And could no longer recollect my name.
i stil hate you.
big shout out to eve for existing and kbuck for "following" my bog lol
it's good to be back.
here it comes
I can honestly say that I hate you now. and all your little girl friends. yeah I hate you all. and I haven't hated anyone in a very long time. but you are a dastardly coward. you disgust me. you used me and you never even gave a damn. but that's ok. I have something you don't have. i've got secrets that would make you cry.
so make the best of this distance you have created. see if I ever drive your pathetic drunk ass home again. I hope she is happy; I hope they are all so fucking happy. but most of all, I hope that someone leaves you to cry alone in a parking lot someday. honestly. bastard.
"Seventy Times 7"
Back in school they never taught us what we needed to know,
like how to deal with despair, or someone breaking your heart.
For twelve years I've held it all together but a night like this is begging to pull me apart.
I played it quiet, left you deep in conversation.
I felt uncool and hung out around the kitchen.
I remember I kept thinking that I know you never would,
and now I know I want to kill you like only a best friend could.
Everyone's caught on to everything you do
Everyone's caught on to.
As if this happening wasn't enough I got to go
and write a song just to remind myself how bad it sucked.
Ignore the sun, the cover's over my head.
I wrote a message on my pillow that says, "Jesse, stay asleep in bed."
So don't apologize. I hope you choke and die.
Search your cell for something with which to hang yourself.
They say you need to pray if you want to go to heaven
but they don't tell you what to say when your whole life has gone to hell.
Everyone's caught on to everything you do
Everyone's caught on to
And everyone's caught on to everything you do (And I can't let you, let me down again.)
Everyone's caught on to (And I can't let you, let me down again)
So, is that what you call a getaway?
Tell me what you got away with.
Cause I've seen more spine in jellyfish.
I've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kids.
Have another drink and drive yourself home.
I hope there's ice on all the roads.
And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt,
and again when your head goes through the windshield.
And is that what you call tact?
You're as subtle as a brick in the small of my back.
So let's end this call, and end this conversation.
and is that what you call a getaway?
well tell me what you got away with.
cause you left the frays from the ties you severed
when you say best friends means friends forever
So, is that what you call a getaway?
Well tell me what you got away with.
Cause I've seen more spine in jellyfish.
I've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kids.
Have another drink and drive yourself home.
I hope there's ice on all the roads.
And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt,
and again when your head goes through the windshield.
so make the best of this distance you have created. see if I ever drive your pathetic drunk ass home again. I hope she is happy; I hope they are all so fucking happy. but most of all, I hope that someone leaves you to cry alone in a parking lot someday. honestly. bastard.
"Seventy Times 7"
Back in school they never taught us what we needed to know,
like how to deal with despair, or someone breaking your heart.
For twelve years I've held it all together but a night like this is begging to pull me apart.
I played it quiet, left you deep in conversation.
I felt uncool and hung out around the kitchen.
I remember I kept thinking that I know you never would,
and now I know I want to kill you like only a best friend could.
Everyone's caught on to everything you do
Everyone's caught on to.
As if this happening wasn't enough I got to go
and write a song just to remind myself how bad it sucked.
Ignore the sun, the cover's over my head.
I wrote a message on my pillow that says, "Jesse, stay asleep in bed."
So don't apologize. I hope you choke and die.
Search your cell for something with which to hang yourself.
They say you need to pray if you want to go to heaven
but they don't tell you what to say when your whole life has gone to hell.
Everyone's caught on to everything you do
Everyone's caught on to
And everyone's caught on to everything you do (And I can't let you, let me down again.)
Everyone's caught on to (And I can't let you, let me down again)
So, is that what you call a getaway?
Tell me what you got away with.
Cause I've seen more spine in jellyfish.
I've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kids.
Have another drink and drive yourself home.
I hope there's ice on all the roads.
And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt,
and again when your head goes through the windshield.
And is that what you call tact?
You're as subtle as a brick in the small of my back.
So let's end this call, and end this conversation.
and is that what you call a getaway?
well tell me what you got away with.
cause you left the frays from the ties you severed
when you say best friends means friends forever
So, is that what you call a getaway?
Well tell me what you got away with.
Cause I've seen more spine in jellyfish.
I've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kids.
Have another drink and drive yourself home.
I hope there's ice on all the roads.
And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt,
and again when your head goes through the windshield.
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