Disconnect the Dots

wilco will love you, baby.
Habitat today... my arm hurts. nailing shit is harder than it looks... from the front, the side and the top..........eh.
i was thinking of how when you ask someone a question, you've already mentally anticipated their response and you're in the midst of reacting to that response before they've even answered the question. and when they answer in the opposite way it's always super surprising.

It's so beautiful, our lunacy. It's so beautiful.
-Of Montreal

staplegunned

It was in the lobby when I set my sights on you
I should have kissed you in the elevator
But I was too scared to
It was in the morning when I made up my mind
I want you staplegunned right to my side all of the time

Do I have to spell it out for you
or scream it in your face
Oh the chemistry between us could destroy this place
Do I have to spell it out for you
or whisper in your ear
Oh just stop right there
I think that weve got something here

We were all alone when I finally made a pass at you
It didnt work, and no it never does
but you know how I do
We were on the phone when I made up my mind
I want you staplegunned right to my side all of the time

no more braces. and senior portraits today. i hate it when photographers try to be funny.
i'm kind of in a daze cause i took a mepergan this morning. my throat hurt, ok?
wondering if this is worth it. ugh working all week. then the damnwells show :)

And I miss you. I miss you every single day.

our ideas held no water, but we used them like a dam.

Hello. So when would be the most convenient time for you to break my heart?
So this, I guess, goes back to three days ago...and last night as well. Because it rarley ever happens just once (It's the nature of the experiment, taking me in increments). It continues to go like a cycle, or a wave, and you have to stay with it until it washes you up, cold and desperate, onto the shore.
But I'm finally coming to grips with something that I should have acknowledged a long time ago. Because this isn't the first time this has happened, or I that I have let it happen. This is not the first time I have felt this way, and judging from my past it surely won't be the last.
Giving someone part of you does not entitle you to so much as a portion of their goodwill, or for that matter, any further acknowlegement of your existence whatsoever.
It's a painful phenomenon that has seemed to follow me out of each and every lover's grip. But it's never stung like it does right now. I actually value and desire his concern for me, moreso than I ever have with anyone else. He matters. And our relationship matters to me. It's trite as hell, but he's so much greater than anyone I have ever known (You are the Best One of the Best Ones). Everything about him enthralls me (Excuse my French emotion and my passion, but I wear my heart on my sleeve like is's the new fashion). I refuse to let him get away, and I refuse to let him forget about me. Even if I never mean shit to him, he has to remember...
If he would just embrace the fact that I care about him, maybe things wuld be so much better for me. He accepts my friendship. And my quirks. So I guess I can't aske for much more than that. But I don't know if he realizes how hung up I am on him. I mean, it's been eight months. And my feelings have only continued to grow.
But I'm not going to whine or expect anyone to feel sorry for me, because this is the choice I have made, and I knew that this would be the probable outcome. Besides, the times that we spend together are second to none. No bullshit, no controversey, just enjoyment. And I know things like this usually don't add up to much in the end, as has become quite apparent. But still, you always hope you'll be the exception...

Darlin I wish you well, on your way to the wishing well

i can't find solid ground

i can't find solid ground, a friend who won't dip, a stair that won't slip. i fucking give up. i'm starting over.
"and forget everyone who's jaded, cause they don't matter and i don't care."

i'd give anything to spend all of my afternoons in your annex cuddling and watching satellite tv. fuck. some things just don't happen twice. nothing that's worth mentioning at least.

o well. in truth i don't need anyone at all.

all i ever did was write you love poems

well? life is stressful. and I am worried.
"we're dangerous together"-mom
also, convinced I have ADD. can't wait to lay in bed and do nothing for a few weeks.
faraday was a bastard.
a resounding "ugh!
... thoughts of you are all that get me through. isn't that pathetic? that my entire mood can be altered by a thought of or a single word from or about you? anything. it makes me smile.

the saddest story ever told

once upon a time we fell in love or at least that's what you said
you say i could find someone else but i just wish i was dead

do-do-do-do-dooo come on

those days are gone
you and i were young those summer nights
you'll see the world
darling, for a girl you'll never find
and then you'll quietly grow old,
the saddest story ever told
---
that's kind of all i have to say today. back to studying trig identities pleasekillme.

we don't have much room to live

you continue to keep your distance. actually, you keep enough for quite a few people.

thank you for texting me on the one night where i had finally resigned to the fact that i wasn't going to hear from you. as fate would have it, i was asleep. needless to say, i will be sleeping one-eye-open-phone-in-hand for the rest of my life.

dear life, very funny. love, eheeter

random dashboard lyric of the day: who cares if we're apart for the big days it's the small ones that made me fall in love with you.

i really wish that child abuse didn't exist-
not for its victims' sake, mind you.
not so the suffering of thousands of children would cease.
not so little susie's meth-addicted mother of 16 would feed her tonight.
but so i wouldn't have to write a damn paper about it.

let me victimize myself at every given opportunity.
thank you come again.

would you ouija board would you ouija board would you work for me?

so i realize i epicfail at updating this thing. but i'm ready to start again. mainly i've been too angry to even think about writing. angry for no reason, angry with reckless abandon, ruthlessly angry despite myself. you'll be glad to know, however, that i have remained the same pathetic excuse for a human being though many months have passed since my last post. i have concluded that i am one of those people who is just meant to be alone because i can't bring myself to care about anything. honestly, i think about all of the qualities that a person looks for when looking for a mate and realize that i possess none of them and predict that i never will. everyone i have ever fallen for doesn't quite consider me worthy of their attention, and everyone that has ever fallen for me is not worthy of mine. so i'm a hypocrite, but at least i respect the right of others to reject me completely. i am satisfied to have friends that know me and at least try to understand.
i'm still holding out for your rapture. maybe one day you will appreciate or at least realize how much i care about you.
jaw surgery= 11 days away. what a way to spend spring break...
hey, i can get sexual too.